Ever feel like you're strapped in and enjoying the ride but suddenly you need to get off because it's going too fast and you're dizzy, but you're stuck in a loop-de-doop and have to wait until the ride is over to step out?
Ok maybe that's not a good analogy. I guess I suck at everything tonight.
I wonder if I'll be able to sleep and if I do - will I dream that I'm dying again? Why do I feel like such a failure right now, when everything in my life is going so well?
Probably because I'm questioning it - do I even have the right to?
I am afraid of losing the magic, the romance, the dreams. If I lose that in the crazy shuffle and bustle of "real life and logistics", what is left? Daily survival?
Love is life but being in love is oxygen, and in my experience the two don't mix very well. And when you start to fall out of love, it's a slippery slope that breaks your fingernails as you try to claw back up - and hello, who is there at the top to welcome you with a frying pan to the head? Reality.
I am afraid of the very thing I so badly want, because I couldn't bear to see it die - if this fails, I have nothing left to give.
I am afraid to hurt the man I love with all my heart and soul, because I feel so weak and so broken sometimes.
I am afraid I will never be enough.
/end of emtpy heart post/
10 comments:
You're not weak.
You're always good enough.
As for broken, you're not all the way broken. You can't be because you managed to start over so many times already and you mananged to fall in love again. You're only broken if you let them convince you you are.
(hugs)
You're so courageous to continue to put yourself out there and try again. It takes such a strong person to do that.
We're all a little bit broken or damaged. All of us.
I wish I could say something helpful, but I feel for you!
BTW...the bunny video is freaky!
honey, you have *got* to stop being so hard on yourself. Take every day one at a time. If you look at everything all at once, it will always be overwhelming, but if you just tackle the little things, one at a time, it'll be a heck of a lot easier to deal with.
::HUGS::
You are enough, just as you are. (hug)
And being in love and loving can stay magical and goofy and wonderful long-term. I promise! I still have days where I feel like I've been hit in the face with a brick when I look at my Bear. (Uh, I mean that in a good way... :D )
It's a funny thing about being "broken", too. You heal each other and you grow in ways you'd never expect.
TD, your biggest weakness is you don't give yourself enough credit.
I read your blog everyday and not once have I thought you as weak or not good enough. And sometimes, here, it's easiest to be most vulnerable.
I'm with Deutlich: One day at a time. Learn to regain confidence in yourself again.
*pulls head out of own arse*
thank you all for the vote of confidence... as I said it's not every day like this, it just comes in waves and last night it struck hard.
It's hard to focus on one day at a time when the whole picture needs to be put together first, you know? So am having a bit of a struggle there.
Vegas and I are ok, at least we're talking about it and agree it's a crazy scenario but we can do it. We ARE doing it.
Aw, you're a great person and I hope that you'll feel much more positive soon.
x x
Yey! Can I be your love child? You can even name me something funny like Starfish or Princess. :D
Rollah coastah... of loooove... Rollah coastah. Oo oo oo oo oo.. Rollah coastah....
Sorry. Just got stuck in my head.
Prin! I said no more crack brownies! Go to your room!
he he.
Nobody wants to be my child...
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