I found my couch!!

Oh, I am *so* excited and thrilled! It was love at first sight, then first touch, and and and - OK back to the beginning of this afternoon...

Was having some icky moments and needed to get some air, luckily Cocotte had finished work so we agreed to meet at our favorite dive aka "south shore chicken", it was a nice drive over with blasting music - perfect. We wolfed down our meal and caught up on news, then shopped for houseplants next door cuz I needed to replace two deadish ones. Then we headed to a big furniture shop that nobody likes and thankfully all they had was crap, so off we went to a really nice classy huge shop not too far from there, and...

Well, I wasn't expecting to actually fall in love on the spot and plunk down such a chunk of money right away but good lord, it was fate! We walked around the store admiring this and that, feeling up the leather goods and cushy loveseats, and then around a corner: there it was. Designer perfection. The color, fabric, shape, size, everything. Had to call home and ask for some measurments to see if it would fit my small space but now, looking around me and after having mulled over Cocotte's suggestion to switch my dining room with my living room - it's a whole new ballgame. And I'm going for it!

After 8 years of this setup I need a change, and this is it. Creating new living space by moving furniture around, maaaybe some new paint and probably a new carpet, some new lights... it's all good. My brother will buy my old couch (which is in mint condition btw, I'm just tired of it) so he's pretty happy too - luckily he has a trailer so he'll come pick it up in two weeks, just before the new one gets delivered.

Sigh. I'm so happy. Cocotte thanks again for being my partner in crime, it was fun the first time but even better the second time, wasn't it? LOL! I'll have to eat Kraft Dinner for three months but hey, c'est la vie. Woo-hoo! Off to go tanning now, I need me some color.

Really?

Sorry but that is BS.... I'll take a good work day over bad sex anytime! Sheesh.

De-lovely and de-lightful

It's so awesome... long weekend AND gorgeous sunny warm weather to wrap it all together. Bliss. The only hiccup so far is my espresso machine rebelling this morning, took 3 tries to get enough for two cups - not sure if the coffee is clumping together because of humidity or if the machine's pump is effed up. Let's see what happens tomorrow.

Not much to report this morning, other than I'm staring at a very dusty and disgusting coffee table that needs serious cleaning, and a wasp just flew into my head. I hope it's a sign of good luck or something, like being shat on by a bird - we'll find out, eh?

Tribute to a genius

" When I have a terrible need of - shall I say the word - religion. Then I go out and paint the stars." ~Vincent Van Gogh

Sleepthief's Dawnseeker

Man, I love this album... the more I listen to it, the more I crave it - magical rich flowing poetry set to luscious sounds, ah it's so hard to describe. Reminds me of a bit by Rachel Carson:

"One summer night, out on a flat headland, all but surrounded by the waters of the bay, the horizons were remote and distant rims on the edge of space. Millions of stars blazed in darkness, and on the far shore a few lights burned in cottages. Otherwise there was no reminder of human life. My companion and I were alone with the stars: the misty river of the Milky Way flowing across the sky, the patterns of the constellations standing out bright and clear, a blazing planet low on the horizon. It occurred to me that if this were a sight that could be seen only once in a century, this little headland would be thronged with spectators. But it can be see many scores of nights in any year, and so the lights burned in the cottages and the inhabitants probably gave not a thought to the beauty overhead; and because they could see it almost any night, perhaps they never will."

Happy boingboing ears!

Well I just spent the last two hours on youtube having a party with myself and my headphones, like they say "play it loud or not at all", hehe! Never even noticed the glass of shiraz slide down my throat... I posted a few favorites in my videos section, check it out if you feel adventurous. Diving back in now... peeps, don't forget to party!

Remember!

You be the judge

So are blondes smart or not? Let this be proof, it ain't no spoof!

Note: No animals were harmed during the making of this video.

Wooot!

I am finally on top of work! Oh happy happy dance! Mind you there's still a ton of stuff I need to tackle but the immediate crap has been dealt with - nice long Labor Day weekend, here I come!

Bummer: I caught the russian skank sneakily texting my (ex)man this morning, and found that to be just so pathetic. Must be crappy to be 31 with no job, no money, no man, no brains, nowhere to live and your only friend lives on the other side of the planet. Tsk. Don't mess with Karma, baby! *snicker*

Other than that life is pretty damn good. The kids are happy and healthy, I'm dipping my toes back into the social pool - actually having dinner with Cocotte tonight - and the water's juuuust fiiine... This weekend we'll go spend a couple of days at my dad's, always a lovely getaway with too much food and booze and pool games (I pretend I know how to play), my sister loved her pics so I feel useful, haha.

Am shopping for a new couch and hope to find *just* the right one soon... it's symbolic in a way. When I moved into the place I am now 8 years ago(!), that couch was the first thing I bought all on my own. I chose it, I paid for it, I loved it. But a new phase of my life is starting now and it deserves a visual reminder of how far I've come, and how amazing the rest of the journey is going to be. Yeah!

Always look forwards

"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come." ~Anne Lamott

Awakenings

How to best describe this day...

Intense.

I had a breakdown of sorts this afternoon, right in the middle of work. Months and months of holding crap bottled inside, of being strong for everyone and putting on a happy face... it was all finally just too much and I just cracked under the pressure.

I had a flash of losing my best friend, my rock as Prin would say, and it all came crashing down on me... Got swallowed up in a giant panic attack, had trouble breathing and just shrank into a little ball, praying my phone would not ring nor would anyone walk into my office and see my little private hell spilling down my face.

Thankfully my lifeline, my guardian angel reminded me to *breathe*.... those yoga classes did serve a lasting purpose after all... with a bit of guided meditation I was able to bring things under control and finish my day's work, albeit very slowly. I have to say... I never imagined I would feel so liberated afterwards... dissipating shadows clearing the path for new energies and reinforcing my belief in Fate and the future, and also that it's ok to be human - I don't need to be strong for everyone all the time.

Am thinking of taking a "day off from the world" soon, to recharge my batteries. No phone, no internet, no people around and no distractions. No giving to anyone, just taking... taking time for "me", doing things I love and pampering myself, taking care of the little girl inside who just would like to be herself for a day, no questions asked. Yeah. I can do that.

Karmic kindness

Yesterday, I received a beautiful, thoughtful and carefully-packaged gift (which also enclosed a lovely card and hand-written note) from a virtual angel in PA, USA. I say "virtual" as we have never met nor have we spoken on the phone, we simply share love of dogs and met on an online forum (http://www.iheartpaws.com/). She rather fancies the beanies... so here is one of the big boy for her!


This woman... she is a very special and beautiful creature and I want her to know that she brightened my day immeasurably, and that her kindness has hit home and will never be forgotten. JM, I hope you are reading this and that you got my voice message I left on your machine today... I'm not so good with words sometimes when overcome with emotion.

Please know that your "seeds" have been planted in more ways than one, for the beanies and for anyone else who needs a spiritual lift once in a while. I am blessed and honored to count you as a friend... THANK YOU!

I'm a believer

"I simply believe that some part of the human Self or Soul is not subject to the laws of space and time." ~ Carl Jung - The Guardian, 19 July 1975

The time-machine question

Time to close the poll... question was "If you could go back in time and change certain things you've done in your life... would you do it?"

You answered:

No, I have no regrets in life 43%
Yes, I wish I knew then what I know now 33%
Maybe, if I could first figure out what I'd change 24%

I guess it was a loaded question, but what I wonder is how many of you can say, for certain, that the answer you picked would not vary no matter what? Hmm. I'm ambivalent... I mean I know I'm supposed to be here, now, because of the events that have happened in my life and all - and I have no complaints. But I still sometimes wonder "what if..?" *goes off to ponder*

For tourists only

Is this in English miles, or in Canadian miles? He he!

I walk with thee

"Love unlocks doors and opens windows that weren't even there before." ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

Wow, this is boring

Just re-read my posts from the past few days and I have to say: yawn! It's not that life isn't happening or that I have nothing to talk about, on the contrary... but out of respect for other people in my galactical sphere there are things I just can't write about. Don't let your imaginations runs wild now, there are no illicit dramas going on, tsk! Only Life - and that is plenty enough.

I am now officially the Ex-y Wife of the house, I've stopped wearing my ring for now too... need to get it cleaned and then I'll move it to my right hand, as a sign of eternal friendship. It's not easy to move on but once that first step has been taken, there is no point in turning back. Love is a mutable force, one we'd like to control but the heart doesn't work that way - and there is nothing wrong with that. You can't make someone love you, nor can you control who you fall in love with. You can control what you do about it, but that's it...

I choose to believe things happen for a reason, that people are put on your Lifepath to walk with you for a ways, help you grow and learn things about yourself - and in a good relationship, the energy circle happens mutually. A few rare people are lucky enough to find the right partner at some point in their lives and then travel together for a long time, creating a self-energising magic (sic) as they go along. Others may bypass this chance by simply being at the wrong place, at the wrong time, or by never daring to lift their gaze from the sticky comfort of routine for fear of discovering they've been living in a fog for most of their lives.

This fear kept me spellbound for years, but the spell has been broken and now all hell is breaking loose, so to speak. And I welcome these baying hounds that nip at my heels, they encourage me to run, run and giggle and dare to look UP and oh my gosh, what a beautiful journey it is that lays ahead!! Easy? No. Worth it? A million times YES!

Yay for Mondays! (not)

Well, I survived the night :-D Heading out to get my teeth cleaned now, then work will swallow me up for the rest of the day so no time to blog (yes I can predict the future). Weather report: super sunny and a hot 25C in the making, so far August has been absolutely gorgeous, but I'm not sorry it's finally coming to an end. I want off this rollercoaster!

Good advice...

"When in doubt, wear red." ~Bill Blass

Last chance to vote in the poll!

I'll be closing the poll in a couple of days so if you haven't already voted, be my guest! Answers are pretty much neck-to-neck so that's no fun. Tsk.

Holy cooking, batman!

I bit off more than I could chew... good lord. The "dog food" freezer has about 1 square inch of space left, the "human freezer" has even less, and there's food on the counter that has to somehow fit in the fridge, it's like a damn rubik's cube! BF ground up 70 lbs of chicken frames on Friday, we bought ridiculous amounts of ground beef, and I just made 20 containers of "veggie fruit mush" which will last 10 weeks, plus plus plus... Oh yeah the two yummy spicy crockpot chickens and taters for the humans, and the huge container of fruit salad, and and and -

It's exhausting even talking about it so I'll shuddap!

Have a dentist appointment tomorrow morning (yay for clean teeth!) then I'm bracing for another ridiculous week of work - my aim is to ROCK it! Been wishy-washy for a while now but am recuperated enough to put pedal to the metal. OK gotta run, Prin's on a roll, ping ping ping! *grins*

For sanity's sake

Photo copyright Technodoll, 2007

"A lot of what passes for depression these days

is nothing more than a body saying that it needs work."

~Geoffrey Norman

Awesome weekend

The day-trip to my mom's yesterday went without a hitch, I had a *great* time (including the relaxing bus ride)... finally met my two stepsisters, who are beautiful lovelies, and the rest of the clan was there too - my mom cooked up a storm, we drank like sailors and yabbered our heads off. It really felt like a getaway, makes the weekend seem worthwhile in a way, you know? BF stayed home to watch the kids and give me a break while he labored away, I know I won't be able to do such things anymore when he's gone so it was VERY much appreciated.

Warm and muggy today... slept late so feel refreshed and not hungover (yay for me!), am just eating fruit salad with yogurt now and then will head out to do the groceries and other errands. Laundry's being done, everything is cool and under control... we'll even take the kids out for a walk later on, before I cook food for the week's lunches. Time marches on and it's easy to keep pace these days... s'all good and s'all how it's supposed to be. S'all.

God's creature

"Some men know that a light touch of the tongue, running from a woman's toes to her ears, lingering in the softest way possible in various places in between, given often enough and sincerely enough, would add immeasurably to world peace." ~Marianne Williamson, "A Woman's Worth"

Wine is good

But frick is it ever HOT and sticky, 11pm and still 25C... horrid. That is over 30C with the damp air, no relief. Going to take a cold shower and hide in the A/C bedroom and pray for a good night's slumber, this day has taken its toll and left me pretty damn unpleasant to be around. I'm lashing out at people who don't deserve it and feel like a shlump for being such a baby. Sigh.

Tomorrow morning I take the bus to my mom's for a family reunion, I won't be online for the day and the withdrawal makes me feel insecure... hope that the music and company will be a good blanket instead. It's only a day trip though, so I'll survive ;-) Oh and my camera is coming with me, rain or no rain, I'm clicking away! It's a therapy of sorts, rather be in back of the camera than in front of it - wonder what that says about a person...?

Hah!

Inspired by A Martini Always Helps, this is my Friday evening debauchery. Minus the headscarf thingie, it's much to hot and humid here to add to the sweat. Meh.

Writing = breathing

I have no time to write today, but a friend told me I needed to breeeaathe and make space in my head full of minefields, so for now this is how I'll do it. Smiler taught me the ORGA (outbreath, relax, grounding, affirmation) but I had just put it aside... time to bring it back into my life.

What set me off? Guess I'm upset at not being able to go home at night with all my work done for the day, which is what I was used to up until recently. Leave the office and the work doesn't follow you home. It's a whole different ball game the past few months though - one that I am not willing to play (is it the big bats and hard balls? LOL!). That, and the dawning realisation that I need to seriously change the way I react to new things in life. Gut reaction has always been "Hell no!" "OMG it's so wrong!" or any variation of negative thought. It's just poison in my gut, I don't want to be that person anymore - I know I am better than this pettiness.

No time to go into details but that's the brunt of my day. Shuffling emails and paperwork, and struggling to break out of shell I feel is too tight for me, too irritating. I should be called Techopoppins. Hah! Affirmation: I am changing the way I view new information! That doesn't mean I need to keep a mind so open that my brains will fall out, it just means I don't *need* to be so set in my ways anymore, I'm in no danger of losing my identity even if I change. Sure feels good to be on the right path... accompanied by powerful positive forces. I am blessed.

Country Song Titles (snicker)

I'm Not Married But The Wife Is
I'm Quittin' Wild Turkey Cold Turkey
Bubba Shot The Jukebox
I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here.
I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart.
You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
I've Been Roped And Throwed By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral
If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife's Heart
Legendary Chicken Fairy
Make Me Late For Work Today
Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger

Wonder what they sell

Moonshine? Condoms? Denture polish? Used car engines? Pumpkins? Your guess is as good as mine...

Headspinner!

I've left work for the day, but it hasn't left me... bleh. Need to flush out my head of all the "stuff to do" and try to relax, roll my shoulders and get the kinks out - or take painkillers, yeah that'll do! Or ask for a massage later on, since I'm so spoiled ;-)

Dinner was a crappy "meal replacement" bar cuz I forgot to eat lunch and realised, on the walk home, that I was about to faint. I should have had a hotdog but just can't stomach junkfood these days... I *like* my thin self and I want to stay that way. spaces out for a moment... OK I'm boring my own self here, I need to take a break.

Controversial poll

So far your votes are all over the place, guess that indicates a very varied lot of peeps reading and responding to this blog o'rama... If I were asked this question, I'm not sure *how* I would reply. It would probably depend on what I'm living at the moment so it's not a fixed answer... life is so fluid and ever-changing, how could I settle for just one point of view?

Keep on voting, it'll be interesting to see the outcome.

Golden light

Love the sun at dusk... even the most banal field takes on an angelic glow (or a beard, in the case of some post-marathon dogs)!

All photos copyright Technodoll, 2007

More fun with blondes!

Q. How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A. Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q. How did the blonde burn her nose?
A. Bobbing for chips.

Q. What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
A. Brain tumor.

Q. Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A. You get to park in the handicap zone.

Q. What do you call a blond with a brain?
A. A golden retriever.

My soulmate

Photo copyright Technodoll, 2007

"I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love. For me they are the role model for being alive." ~Gilda Radner

The storm has passed

I diligently ate my good vitamins (lotsa fruit & veggies, low carbs), had only one coffee today and a cup of decaf spiced tea, had a good hike home and took the kids out for their evening field romp, had dinner and here I am... There's a storm brewing outside, the wind is fidgety and the trees are nervous, and there is that cloudy tension in the air... so who knows, anything might happen. Maybe my bad vibes just went out the window and infected the air - hah!

My downstairs neighbors are a weird lot... filthy squeegees who can barely afford rent but they smoke cheap stinky dope all day - tonight they ordered takeout. Tsk. Even *I* know better than to order takeout when eating a sandwich is much healthier and cheaper, or even going to the corner dive for a quick meal - business must be good. The day they get busted for whatever it is they're trafficking, I won't shed no tear, man. I won't.

OK off to work on some pics I took yesterday... will post some in a bit. Melon-heads and flowers, as usual. I can't be next to the broiling Pacific and magic kites all the time ;-)

It's not working

Screw this serenity thing, what a gigantic waste of time - ARGH. People you piss me off today - well a few people. All those Mary-Poppins do-gooders can go take a long hike off a short pier, eat fish for dinner, whatevah. Leave me alone already - am cracking under the pressure and in no mood to deal with this shit. I keep trying to do the good thing - as if that's easy to begin with - and get whiney babies tugging at my skirts in return. FFS! Grow up! *breathing in fumes*

Serenity now

Photo copyright Technodoll, 2007

Focusing on sunny flowers, dodger blue skies, the cry of hungry seagulls and the sound of lapping waves against quiet sea shores. Serenity now. It's all coming together.

FFS!!!

It's ok to feel bitchy for no reason sometimes. Like today. Feel impatient and can't stand weakness, makes me want to snarl "build a fucking bridge and get over it!". Is it my sticky, badly curled hair? My 3rd day of head jackhammers? The long list of crap emails I have to deal with? Impending doom of life as I know it ending in 3 weeks, no more lazy mornings? SIGH. It's going to be quite the adjustment, going to bed earlier and rising earlier, me the Not A Morning Person girl. I fucking hate getting up in the morning. Raaaahhhhhh!

If I knew why I'm so icky today, I could fix it - but I don't, so I can't, and it's the proverbial dog chasing its tail. My head is spinning and I want to punch something. Bah. It'll eventually pass... I'll make an effort to eat loads of vitamins today and remember to breeeeaaaaaaathe, and like my mom taught me "turn your tongue seven times in your mouth before speaking". Right now I'm just biting it. Tastes like a clown.

Raaaah!

"Mishaps are like knives, that either serve us or cut us, as we grasp them by the blade or the handle." ~James Russell Lowell, "Cambridge Thirty Years Ago," Literary Essays

I need to put this up.

Ever since I read this years ago, it has always stuck in my mind and I find myself referring to it often... nobody really knows who the author is (there are various claims floating around) so I'll just mark it as "Anonymous", unless someone can point me in the right direction?...

Reason, Season and Lifetime

People always come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, or to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually. They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they just walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.
...
When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season. And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall, the season eventually ends.
...
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being part of my life.

8000? Wow!

8000 blog views since mid-March... 5 short months of blabbing about my life and all sorts of silliness to a very limited public - only the miracle of the virtual world could explain such a thing, LOL!

Well... thanks to all my readers, both faithful and fly-by-night, for giving me a reason to pick up my digital pen every day and just let my mind spill all over the screen. It's an amazing therapy of sorts. Everybody needs some sort of therapy, IMO!

Zippity doo-dah

Today was like one giant flash, am almost blinded and seeing spots and reeling from the speed - hunh? Already evening? Sigh. I've so much to talk about, yet so little gumption right now. Can only focus on putting one foot in front of the other... take shower, prepare tomorrow's things so the morning isn't a crisis, take headache meds and try to get a good night's rest. Had a long rough day at the office and expect a few more this week, it's all good though... I mean I'd rather be busy than watching the minutes stretch into hours in my aquarium. I'm not masochistic ;-)

Snicker

*no comments*

Wife Swap

I love this show, but it's a nail-biter every time. What a concept and who volunteers for these reality TV shows anyways? Shudder. It's like watching a train wreck, I don't wanna but I just haveta. I should rather do something useful like make the kids' dinner or catch up on emails. Meh. Off I go.

Do you believe in happy endings?

Here are the last poll's results, to the question "Do you believe in happy endings?"

Yes, totally - I am proof! 43%
I want to believe it, just waiting for my turn. 38%
Maybe, but not for me. 14%
No, it's Hollywood BS! 5%
I'd rather drink beer. 0%

Seems all is good with the world... just feel sorry for the small "5%" who cannot let themselves dream or reach for the stars. It's a really great view from up here :)

On courage:

Photo copyright Technodoll, 2007

"Courage is being scared to death... and saddling up anyway." ~John Wayne

Another day, another cobweb

Between a resolution and reality, the gap can sometimes be intimidating... am trying to be good to myself AND to everyone around me, including work, it's doable however it requires more energy than I have at the moment. Had to call in sick today, am floored by the monthly migraine (no amount of drugs can take care of this one, I just have to live with it) and wondering if my feeling so flat and out of it has to do with lack of sleep at this point. I can't keep my eyes open. Forced a breakfast down - fruit salad and yogurt at noon, and a latte just now 2 hours later - no appetite, yet I need the vitamins, yes I know I need to kick myself in the ass, I'm still that flexible!

Going down my list of chores, slowly but surely, in order to feel like I'm doing *something* with my life. The sun outside taunts me "hey lazy chump, whassa madda wit ya?" and I want to punch it in the face. Shuddup mofo, leave me alone. Meh. Right now, I don't even want to be friends with my own self, nevermind anyone else. Fack!

My dad wrote a lovely email... asking me to come over anytime, spend some quiet moments to stitch up my heart. Sigh. Why I so much love a man I hardly know beats the hell out of me, I guess blood is thicker than water. I'll go in two weekends... hope for sunshine so we can take walks along the river. Water... so soothing. Which reminds me, I need to start drinking loads of it again to flush out the poisons, feel sticky and thick... off I go. Sorry for the bummer post, but I need to stay myself no matter what. I know you all understand.

Follow thy heart

"The healthy being craves an occasional wildness, a jolt from normality, a sharpening of the edge of appetite, his own little festival of the Saturnalia, a brief excursion from his way of life." ~Robert MacIver

Thank you Cocotte!

Had a lovely time this afternoon... hey we're girls, we love to shop right? Still digesting that burger and coffee, but it's all good - we needed to catch up on life and there will be more to come. XXX

It does a body good

Eight hours of sleep, yum. Even if they weren't perfect, they were much needed and I'm aiming for a repeat performance tonight. Raaah! Am just heading out to meet Cocotte now, time for a girls' kaffeeklatsch and some shopping, gossip and the like :-) After that I need to stock up on groceries and get some cooking done... today is spicy crockpot chili, wooot!

It's another gorgeous warm sunny day, my heart is hammering in my chest in constant duality for balance - it's like life is on "pause" right now and the tightrope is getting thinner and thinner. I need to live in the present and savor each and every day for the gift that it is, yet I'm already half living in the future, on to the next phase of life - whatever that may be. Things need to get settled soon, I don't think I can take much more than another month of this situation, it's already been six weeks of sticky comfort... oh man, I just dunno anymore. Stomping feet, chomping at the bit, open the gates already - let life just evolve!

My fault, really. I shouldn't let the current situation stop me from anything, certainly not self-improvement. Step 1 is cleaning up some remnants of the past... next weekend I'll take the bus to my mom's for a day, it's always healing to be around her - she knows me best. Then after that a weekend at my dad's. Then attacking this place... 8 years of dust and memories piled up in four corners, all that's gotta go. I better start eating my vitamins cuz it'll take alot of energy to get through - I'm ready for the challenge. On your marks, get set...

Creatures of the night

"There are nights when the wolves are silent

and only the moon howls."

~George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997

Green greenery

Mmmm, nice lazy day... Wanted to get up early and "attack the list" but well, life happens when you're busy making plans... Crawled out of bed at 11:30am after a lovely night of sleep and slumber, decided it was OK - need to recharge the batteries. Drove out to the Easterns Townships for a walk in the damp woods, the kids had a muddy blast (why do dogs have to taste every single muddy puddle?!), did some shopping, picked up some fresh sweet corn and that's about it for the day... been on forums for most of the evening, lazy-assed TD, bah. Time for shower and a glass of wine, don't have any good stories in me for tonight. G'nite, world!

Thank you

Thanks to my brave man for getting me a bunch of PMS drugs tonight - aka chocklit. Ah. Feel all better now :-)

I miss the sea

I'm not big on posting personal pics but wanted to feel inspired today... holding a special piece of seaglass I found on a beach walk ealier this summer, during a very memorable vacation... memorable as it was the end of an era, and the beginning of another. Unfamiliar terrain. So many questions, tentative answers, fears and doubts all carried on fragile wings. Still nostalgic, still feel the cool breeze on my cheeks but knowing that in order to get to another level, you often have to give up what you cherish the most - and that doesn't come without pain.

Why I love seaglass... every fragment is unique in its color, shape, smoothness, each carries its own story of years out to sea being carved into a gem by countless encounters with ice floes, rocky shores, crashing waves and caressing tides. You can only guess at the origin of each piece - did it travel from across sea, come from foreign land? Or is it a reminder of earlier times, a buried treasure from long ago? No matter... each discovery is magical and to be cherished forever.

Hazy lazy daisy

Am seeing and feeling the world through a veil of fog right now... can't really concentrate on anything, although I suppose that happens after a month of insufficient sleep. Again tossed and turned last night, got about 5 bad hours altogether. Need to step out now to get some food, all I had for breakfast was a latte, then a few veggies and a granola bar. No inspiration whatsoever to eat anything, no appetite and can't be bothered... sigh. Just want to crawl into bed and sleep. Yeah. The world can wait, says PMS girl, gimme a hotdog (grin).

Just left my dad a message, I procrastinated writing to him that I was home safe and sound and he got worried, a bit ticked even! We're planning on driving down to see him in a couple of weekends, always love it there - and the dogs go nuts on the huge property. Must be the scent of deerbutt on the trees.

Ok. Dragging my arse out to grab a bite to eat... it's an absolutely gorgeous sunny warm breezy day and I'm gonna enjoy it!

Never lose sight

"Some of the world's greatest feats

were accomplished by people not smart enough

to know they were impossible."

~Doug Larson

Scrap that

All these Mary Poppins thoughts about a healthy dinner, early to bed, yadi yadi - it's so passé, and I am so undisciplined. My poor houseplants are wilted and parched, I need to start caring! OK tomorrow is Friday, everything is better on Fridays... I expect work to be busy yet I will focus, stop drifting off into space and just tick things off my list cuz I need to feel accomplished to enjoy the weekend. What's this girdle around my brain, you ask? Meh. It comes and goes... can't really control it. Going to write up a task list right now, need to empty my brain before crawling into bed to recuperate from a massive influx of energy. Cradling it dearly. G'nite, peeps.

Why can't I dine on donuts?

Sigh. Am fighting a sugar craving... oh, DUH. Pretty obvious, yep - PMS. It never fails, only crave sweets one week per month and this is it. Gonna have a salad for dinner and then... dig around for some stale cookies or sumtin'. He he. I'm bad for buying junk food, cuz I know that if it's in the house, I'll eat it. "A moment on your lips, forever on your hips". Moron quote.

If you believe...

Hogarth Hughes: I know you feel bad about the deer, but it's not your fault. Things die. That's part of life. It's bad to kill, but it's not bad to die.
The Iron Giant: You die?
Hogarth Hughes: Well, yes, someday.
The Iron Giant: I die?
Hogarth Hughes: I don't know. You're made of metal, but you have feelings, and you think about things, and that means you have a soul. And souls don't die.
The Iron Giant: Soul?
Hogarth Hughes: Mom says it's something inside of all good things, and that it goes on forever and ever. [Hogarth leaves. The Iron Giant lays back to look at the stars.]
The Iron Giant: Souls don't die.

Not very inspired

What the hell is this rain? It wasn't in the forecast! Grumble grumble... I don't have my umbrella with me so it's going to be a wet walk home later. Gotta walk off the big poutine I had for lunch... had a craving, indulged, what can I say? It's just calories, they'll eventually burn off!

Not very inspired to write today, can't quite wake the hell up, fell drunk and drugged since I got up this morning - wonder what's up with that. I definitely need to get more sleep and to focus on helping a few folks around me... my poor dogsitter, dying of liver failure and there's nothing I can do, except try to help make his life a bit more comfortable. Tonight I'll buy him a big Brita pitcher and filters, so he doesn't have to use heavy water bottles that he can't carry. I offered to wash his floors and help with laundry but he refuses, he's much too proud. Sigh.

Looking forward to seeing my kids tonight, they've been specially smoochy and fun and playful since yesterday - just adorable dolls. I'm so lucky to be loved by these creatures.

Midday pause

I made it!

Got through the night tossing and turning, but made it out of bed on time for work despite a grey and rainy morning (which has cleared up now). I'll forgive my foggy head for once, need to be gentler on myself - it's ok not to be poy-fect all the time. I've got too many mails and phonecalls to tackle all in one day so peeps, thanks for your patience... you're not forgotten. What's forgotten are my wilting plants that need watering, bills that need to be paid, the car that needs repairs (gotta get that flat tire thing sorted out, UGH), upcoming doctor and dentists appointments, that sort of fun crap. Wheee!

Back to the grinder now... need to concentrate and get my act together, I love my job and I need to show it. Feel like I've been lackadaisical lately, which isn't the case at all - but ideas are only good if they produce results. Giving myself one day to get back into it and then... kaboom!

Perspective

"If you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire, then you got a problem. Everything else is inconvenience." ~Robert Fulghum

Life happens

...when you're busy making plans! Ho boy. Wanted to get up fairly early to kill the jetlag but noooo.... opened my eyes at 11:30am and wrenched myself out of bed with great effort, I'd stay in it all freaking day if I could. Sure is nice not to feel like a "hobo" anymore.... the gorgeous sun is showing off, it's warm and breezy and I need to shake that booty. Shower, eat, unpack, do a few house things and go for a walk with the kids later - they're having their 8-hour siesta right now and just can't be bothered, LOL!

Feel pretty much on "robot" mode right now, a kind of survival I guess. Still positive and infused with energy, just need to take it slowly right now - there is no need to rush as life has its own way of dictating its zones. OK need to get a move-on, have fruit salad and yogurt waiting for me in the fridge, am skipping the caffeine today but will make a big jug of decaf iced tea, yeah, that sounds good. I am PUMPED!! Stay tuned for more!!

On families...

"What greater thing is there for human souls than to feel that they are joined for life - to be with each other in silent unspeakable memories." ~George Eliot

Home sweet home

Made it home in one piece after a crappy flight - if they made the seats any smaller, even 5-year old circus contortionists wouldn't fit. And what is this new hell, 6 hours in a hot stuffy plane with no food except gross soggy sandwiches for sale? WTF? And let's not mention the whiney babies. STFU, already! But home safe and sound and very happy to be here... and I have the day off tomorrow, woooo!

I decided to get a new phone, one I can text with - love that stuff now. LG has a cool model but my carrier doesn't list it so I'm thinking it won't be compatible... I'll call and ask tomorrow and pray for good news. Hah. Like I'm not that connected enough (grin).

Life's good. I'm where I need to be right now and feel amazing about it. Who knows how long this high will last... I expect many tears and pain when A finally closes the loop and secures a job in Sydney - he's in discussions for some very interesting jobs, well-paying stuff he's excited to do in a place he loves, what could be better? But when the time comes for him to actually pack his bags and go... oh god, it's going to be rough. It could be quite soon if things work out, so yeah... trying not to think about that. Focusing on way day at a time, on all the blessings in my life, on all the amazing people surrounding me like a field of wildflowers and turning my face to the sun... I breathe.

Life on high

"As long as you keep getting born,

it's alright to die some times."

~Orson Scott Card

Flying home soon

I shall miss warm, beautiful California... it's been a great past few days and luckily my camera accompanied me on a few adventures, so I'm not coming back empty-handed. Just need to contact the Wacom guy I met at the show last week and get the tablet he promised me (gotta love free stuff!) and then photoshop will be my tool to transform the world as I see it into works of art. Of sorts.

Leaving for the airport in 30 minutes and today's breakfast is sitting like a rock in my stomach (who the hell eats a ham and cheese croissant at 8:30am?! Ghaahh!), need to take deep breaths and focus on being there, not getting there. I hate airports with a passion, does it show? No smiles to be had there. Sigh.

On a more positive note, I'm happy to be home, to cuddle with my furkids again and sleep in my own bed, to spend time with my man and see my friends, eat healthy food and exercise - all the good stuff in life. Going away is necessary, to appreciate what you have once the shiny novelty has rubbed away. I feel recharged and ready to forge ahead, incorporating the new with the old to form a new blend, that little extra that life is all worth living for. Wooo!

Transmutation

"The great majority of us are required to live a life of constant duplicity. Your health is bound to be affected if, day after day, you say the opposite of what you feel, if you grovel before what you dislike, and rejoice at what brings you nothing but misfortune." ~Boris Pasternak

Finally got some rest

It's nice to feel semi-human again! Am in Silver Lake right now, going back to Venice this afternoon to chill out and then tomorrow morning, it's LAX and then I'm home... I have butterflies in my stomach when I think of all the possibilities the future holds, and am wondering why I ever doubted Fate. As always, the biggest changes in my life have happened during "Augusts" and this year it's no different. Don't ask why, it's just the weird way things are with me. I'm about to burst with sunhot energy!! Just need to remember to go slowly, one day at a time, and things will fall into place as they should - you cannot rush life, it will go at its pace. With love and peace, signing out for now.

Pacific snapshots

Last night mother nature conspired to bring together all the perfect conditions needed to breathe life into what you see below... cold snappy wind, warm light, crashing waves and my camera just drank in all the magic to forever keep alive these moments frozen in time. So much makes sense now. I love this place but it's an escape from reality, it gives me energy to continue my path back home to where I belong. My wings are back.

Malibu sunset

Life... it's not supposed to make sense most of the time, so when you get these moments of clarity where suddenly all the pieces fall into place - yeah, it's all good. "It's not the destination, it's the journey" is a loaded quote, and every amazing moment that carves out who you are should be treasured for what it is. Tears, smiles, deceptions and elations, dreams and nightmares, love and hope: it's what makes the human experience called life so brilliant.

Shedding fears like a tree sheds its leaves in the autumn, readying itself for the peaceful hibernation of winter, to emerge once again in the spring alive, naked and shivering but oozing life, soaking in the warmth to grow a new set of wings... to be immune to all that is to deny the lifeforce that was given to you at birth, that one precious gift to use or lose, at your will. As the sun sets on the pacific ocean, it rises on the other side of the earth and sets a new dawn for every living creature, while giving rest to those on this dark side who have journeyed for the day. Now is the time for dreams to come alive.

I wish, I wish...

Kill me now. No, really - either that or give me new feet, a new stomach and three days of uninterrupted sleep. OMFG. 24 more hours to go!!!

Surviving on sleep fumes

...and not much else. Oh god... just finished our first day on the showfloor and our biggest usergroup ever, two more days of hell to go. It's late, I lost my voice and my stomach is not happy I just dumped a hotel roomservice hamburger in it, I have to be up in 6 hours so - yeah... just waving hello to everyone, I miss you guys!!

PS: You can see me here http://www.softimage.com/events/sig07/default.aspx getting my arm savagely bitten. he he!

Is this hell?

Barely getting any sleep thanks to insomnia, and now sick from eating too much rich food after a day of snacking on junk, trapped in a hotel meeting room for 9 straight hours - yeah, this is fun all right, wheee! And the real party hasn't even started yet. Party = sarcasm. Oh screw this, I can't focus on stringing three words together, I'm green and ready to pass out - sorry folks :-(

Today's motto:

Easycool

Got to Los Angeles at lunchtime yesterday, it was a very easy and smooth travel from start to finish - looove those airbus planes where you have your own little screen and can choose your movies - watched Shrek 3 (loved it!) and Spiderman 3 - IMO the best one yet, I laughed my ass off! Expect cheese and you'll get it, cool FX and a great story. He he. I want to see it again!

LA was hot, humid and smoggy but whatcha gonna do. Not much ever changes in Venice & Santa Monica, smells just like I remembered it... Ate at the Rose Cafe, hung out at our office, then the Urth Cafe, then after a few pitstops we drove down to San Diego in two hours - not much traffice after 9pm. Was beyond exhausted at that point cuz had been up for almost 48 hours, crashed but took forever to fall asleep even if the hotel bed is very comfy.

So here I am, zonked and jetlagged and feeling a bit lost, but things are running fairly smoothly and we're on schedule for almost everything (a friggin' miracle). Going shopping soon for a few items, cleaning up meeting schedules, then tomorrow the madness starts - everyone is arriving today so no bumming around! I should take out my camera and start shooting pics... too many palm trees and exotic blooms to count, 'tis beautiful. Oh man, what I would do for a nap right now...

Not so weird

"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love. " ~Author Unknown

All packed & ready to go

Well folks, that's about it for now... I have to leave the house at 6:30am tomorrow morning, then I'm on a direct flight to L.A., will meet up with some colleagues there then drive down to San Diego. It's gonna be a long day... must refuse the free drinks that are sure to be offered at the hotel bar! Will try to blog while I'm there but am making no promises since it will be hell times a gazillion.

OK so it's hot and sticky, right? How hot does is have to be for a woman to carry her *naked* baby down the city streets? You heard me: not even a diaper, the little ass exposed for all the world to see. I catch a look and two things run through my head: lady, you can kiss that white t-shirt goodbye when baby takes a pee (or worse!) on you, and "hey free jail-bait!" for all those child-molesting perverts lurking out there. I wanted to smack her. Really, people should have to pass tests and get a license to have children!

Actually, make that two

If I found the t-shirt, I'd wear it.

The heat is ON!

Feels like a Florida oven and it's barely noon... thank the lord the furkids are at the sitters all day, he has A/C in his appartment so they won't get a heat stroke. It's the humidity and smog that just makes it sooo hard, ya know? You sweat, it just runs down your body cuz it can't evaporate and it's frickin' miserable!! Says the girl who is writing from an air-conditioned office (rolls eyes).

So the madness has abated a bit... a few peeps have already left for San Diego, the clock is ticking and I'm off early tomorrow morning, whooo! Almost all packed and ready to go... just not mentally ready yet. I know BF will take extra-good care of the kids and he'll be too busy to miss me, but still... I never like leaving, although I'm pretty much OK once I'm there.

I'll try to keep a bit of blog going on but don't expect too much!

Darkness

"There are very few monsters

who warrant the fear we have of them".

~Andre Gide

Fun with blonds, part 2!

Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree?
A: Wave!

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common?
A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.

Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

Wallet poll results

Hokay, time to close this week's poll and start another one...

Question was: "Would it bother you if your significant other makes more money than you do?"

You answered:

I am a woman and no, it doesn't bother me 48%
I am a man and no, doesn't bother me 42%
I am a woman and yes, it does bother me 10%
I am a man and yes, it does bother me 0%

We are so modern! Men don't mind moochin' off their wimmin! Yet so traditional: most of the ladies like their men to pay for stuff. Very interesting.

A breather!

I can't believe I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel! It's like being born! Or dying and seeing Jesus? Meh, whatevah - am taking a short break from the madness to again thank everyone for their kind words of encouragement (even if some are in the form of a swift kick to the butt). As Smiler said, breathing helps with all sorts of ailments, such as living, for example. Merrr.

Actually caved in at lunch and got a decadent slice of hawaiian pizza - yes, some people do eat that crap - plus I also found the exact brown leather flip flops I was looking for, which reminds of a joke I once heard... Guy with two left feet enters a shoe store and asks the salesman "Do you have any flip flips?"