Wish you were here

Pink Floyd said it best:

So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell, 

blue skies from pain

Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?

A smile from a veil?

Do you think you can tell?

Did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?

Hot ashes for trees?

Hot air for a cool breeze?

Cold comfort for change?

Did you exchange a walk on part in the war 

For a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here

We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, 

year after year,

Running over the same old ground.

What have we found?

The same old fears.

Wish you were here.

******

For me, right now, the "you" is... me.

Not anybody else.

The process of finding one's self again is a long one,

Banked by sharp thorn bushes

and deep muddy ditches.

There are good days and there are bad days.

Days go by where my brain is on neutral, numb, automatic gear:

Get through this day,

Get through this day,

Get through this day.

And then there are days where everything is possible,

anything can be done, lived, imagined!

Many days I miss my mom, I miss my dad, my family.

They are my roots and my anchors

And yet sometimes when I'm around them

I feel more lost than ever.

Why is this so?

Drinking the coffee now,

Getting through the day's work

In anticipation of a good night's sleep, 

If that's even possible anymore.

I think I need a vacation.

I know, right?!

I love this quote:

Easy to forget,

difficult to put into practice sometimes.

I'm just happy to have found myself again :)

New horizons

There comes a breaking point in your life sometimes,

A shift-tilt of the lens - 

your reality suddenly becomes very clear 

and you are faced with what you once thought were choices, 

when all along the choices were made for you through a series of events. 

You become your thoughts.

You are your feelings.

How you let others treat you

is determined by your sense of self-worth.

It takes a long long time to fall out of my grace.

I forgive easily and often, I have great patience - 

Call it being stubborn, I don't know.

I love too much, too hard and for too long.

Often for too little in return.

New horizons now, the map has unfolded

because I finally allowed myself to get angry enough

to say no more.

I deserve better than this. 

I am better than this. 

Those who cannot see it don't belong in my life. 

Not anymore. 

 Respecting my heart enough to allow it to heal now.

It feels... Amazing. 

I am free to attract new energy in my life now.

If your past calls, don't answer - 

it has nothing new to say.

With love and kindness,

Technodoll

There's a meme for that

Some days you're the statue

And other days you're the bird.

I wonder what's going through this guy's mind?

"Come here you little S**t!! Crap on me one more time..!"

Deep winter where the only green is made of salad

Oh when ya wake up in the morning

And look outside your door

But all you see is snow grey snow

It makes ya yearn for more

All you can do is think good things

And color them galore

Tequila shots and absinthe drops

Until you hit the floor...

OR!

Join in the fun belooooow:

Just kidding.

It's a weekend for resting, not partying. I need to get rid of the germ warfare raging through my body, got attacked out of nowhere two days ago: wham! Had been lucky so far, I'm the only one I know who hadn't gotten a nasty cold yet.

I will beat this, you know.

Ginger and honey tea. Home-made chicken broth. Sleep. 

Echinacea vials 3x/day. Rest. Cough drops to soothe the throat. 

Mild exercise, mostly stretching, to boost the immune system.

Vitamin D. Vitamin C. All other vitamins are good too.

All in moderation, right?

Have a great weekend my friends :)

Reflections

Who are we, really?

Do we become the people others think we are, by our daily words and actions?

Or are we all just actors playing roles, 

depending on who we are with at the moment?

Who do you see when you look in the mirror?

Who do you want to be?

Life is confusing enough as it is.

I wish we could all just... Be.

That's it. 

Be.

And be accepted, with no judgments.

That would be nice.

Weekends are for...

Sleeping. 

Glorious sleeping and just lazing around in bed, dozing.

And dreaming of bedroom redecorating: 

Also good for catching up on social media, cooking and cleaning and preparing lunches for the week, tidying up and running errands and more sleeping and working on that puzzle that's been taking up most of the kitchen table the past few weeks.

OK add in a few shots of salted caramel vodka, please.

One must not be too pious.

Weekends are also for admiring art:

And weekends are for watching movies (Christian Bale's "The Machinist" merits another watching, if you like movies that mess with your head). Recommendations accepted, btw. I'm always looking for great movies, they're hard to find.

How is it already Sunday evening already?!

Big-ass changes

They say when a woman cuts her hair, she's about to make a big change in her life. 

Well, what about doing that after a string of big changes happened in her life? 

That's fair, right?

So I went blonde :)

And I really like it.

Now let's see if blondes have more fun.

I really hope 2017 isn't brutal, please. A break from stress, anxiety, drama and heartache would be nice for a change, I think I've had my quota for a while. They say everyone you meet in life is there to teach you a lesson about something: love, work, ethics, yourself, humanity, philosophy, politics, music, how to properly cut vegetables, the universe. 

What you do with these people is up to you, right?

Some are temporary, like leaves on a tree: they only last for a season. Some even less, they're the buds or the dust that passes through during a storm. Some people are branches, but not all of them are sturdy - some you will break, some will break your arms if you try to hang on to them for too long: snap! On the ground you go!

What you need most a roots, people who will always be there for you no matter what.

Those who will ground you and keep you from blowing away during tornadoes.

Try to avoid the tornadoes, those people will mess up your head but good.

Time will light the way, right?

Time.

Lazarus

I've been told I should resuscitate this old thing - kinda had forgotten about it, really. Found it by accident on Google the other day while looking for something else: the joke's on me...

Some things just refuse to die.

So much has happened since that last post - my life just suddenly exploded out of nowhere , I feel like a gored pinata that got thrown in the dryer and left to spin on high for way too long. 

But hey! I'm alive and a big fan of change and adventures so let's get this thing going again and see where it takes us.

From farm to city, 

from dog-mom to non-mom, 

from wife to single girl, 

from rubber boots to high heels, 

from stability to utter chaos: 

It has all happened since August 2015 and shit continues to happen on a daily basis, only the shoveling went from literal to figurative. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, blah blah blah, I still can't lift a dumbbell to save my life so screw you cheap quotes. 

I'm a tired fighter, but fight I will continue to do as there's just no other option is there.

A long time ago, this was one of my favorite toys (I'm the short person):

I'm no diesel engine, believe me. 

But I believe that I can.

And so I shall.