I'm not angry today :-)

So that makes blogging a tad boring... but, um, is it wrong that I'm sitting here in my office wishing to sip on a glass of red? To go with my very late microwaved lunch, of course... *ah-hem*

Supposed to snow again tonight, so I'm allowed for oblivion's sake.

So girls, I lifted the below from some dating site, what do you think? Also posted what *I* thought, I could not let something so shite escape criticism. For? Against? Indifferent?

General Dating Rules

Always look great, whatever your income. Gorgeous hair and some lipstick and wearing rags will still turn his head. You have the advantage, you are the woman. Look your best as you could meet a potential Mr. Right anywhere at any time. Sure, I love walking my dogs in high heels and a skirt in muddy icy parks during a snowstorm. Love it.

Never reveal information you don't have to. An enigmatic woman drives men wild. I may be single, I may not be, depends on how hot you are - c'mon cowboy, prove thyself! *rolls eyes*

Keep dates brief but your men interested. Less is always more. Does that apply to cleavage too?

Try and stay in shape and involve some fitness regime at a gym. However much you hate it, your Mr. Right loves your body as much as your mind. Specially when said Mr Right is a 300 lbs fatso with man boobs.

Let your man pay. If he is interested, he is interested enough to ensure you eat well and get home safely in a cab. This sets the tone for him to expect a cold drink and a blowjob when he comes home from work, too. Ladies, beware.

Ensure you receive flowers, if he doesn't know what a florist is, dump him. What if I get a poem, or a song, or a cute button that makes me laugh? Dammit. I hate dumping good men cuz of this crap. Oh well, rules is rules.

Never ever sleep with a guy until he has fallen for you. Sex early in your dating game plan will ruin everything. But never fall in love with a man with a small dick or who is a bad shag or you'll be eternally frustrated in bed. What a conundrum.

Always keep a guy waiting and never turn up early. It is a lady's perogative. Specially arrive late for movies and concerts and sports games, drives the men wild. Try it!

Never be available when he wants you to be. Never be at the end of a phone when he calls and always let him leave a message or two first before replying. But don't be surprised if he ends up dating your best (available) friend...

If he is available Tuesday, you are available Thursday. Which is when he has AA meetings. Foiled again!

Weekend shopping trips with girlfriends are sacred and not available for dates. Well, DUH. Finally a rule that makes sense! Who needs sex and romance when you can spend a day at the Walmart shopping for diapers and shower curtains? Really!

Keep your man standing on quicksand by shifting landmarks and goalposts constantly. Make him feel like a right idiot, cut off his manhood at the balls... and then wonder why he never calls the psycho (you) anymore. Tsk.

Ensure you are a good kisser. Men will walk away if you cannot kiss. Practise on a mirror if you have to. Cuz we all know that a) all men are born fabulous kissers and b) mirrors love givin' back that hot tongue, oh yes they do!

Never ever talk about previous boyfriends and particularly their prowess in the bedroom. The number of ex boyfriends is your business only. You hear that, Mister Snoopy McSnoop? My crabs, my warts, my business. So nerr.

Never pre suppose anything about your date until you choose to know him better. You cannot always tell by looking. He got those black eyes and missing teeth falling from a tree. And those tattoos are not gang-related. Honest.

If any man shows the slightest signs of possessiveness or insecurity run like the wind. Life is too short for boys. And stalkers.

If his shoes or hygiene are a disgrace dump him. Yeah - you're not his momma! Git yer own soap!

Never talk too much about your father and how your date measures up in comparison. My father has an 8" dick, how about you?

Never ever come across as too available or too desperate, he will run a mile. He is the one doing the chasing remember. Like a dog chasing cars, just about the same IQ...

If the guy in the corner is gorgeous go and get him and create the need in him for you. Never wait for men to come to you because you may watch him leave with someone else. How does this not conflict with the rule above? I'm lost here.

You may well have all the bodily functions of a man, just try not to demonstrate them early on. No belching contests? Oh come on!

If you are wanting a child, don't mention it on the first few dates. Just hand him a porn mag and a tupperware, keep the turkey baster handy...

...who writes this shit? You think I made it up? Hell no, look for yourself if you don't believe me.

*head spinning too much, off I go*