Wish you were here

Pink Floyd said it best:

So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell, 

blue skies from pain

Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?

A smile from a veil?

Do you think you can tell?

Did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?

Hot ashes for trees?

Hot air for a cool breeze?

Cold comfort for change?

Did you exchange a walk on part in the war 

For a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here

We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, 

year after year,

Running over the same old ground.

What have we found?

The same old fears.

Wish you were here.

******

For me, right now, the "you" is... me.

Not anybody else.

The process of finding one's self again is a long one,

Banked by sharp thorn bushes

and deep muddy ditches.

There are good days and there are bad days.

Days go by where my brain is on neutral, numb, automatic gear:

Get through this day,

Get through this day,

Get through this day.

And then there are days where everything is possible,

anything can be done, lived, imagined!

Many days I miss my mom, I miss my dad, my family.

They are my roots and my anchors

And yet sometimes when I'm around them

I feel more lost than ever.

Why is this so?

Drinking the coffee now,

Getting through the day's work

In anticipation of a good night's sleep, 

If that's even possible anymore.

I think I need a vacation.

I know, right?!

I love this quote:

Easy to forget,

difficult to put into practice sometimes.

I'm just happy to have found myself again :)

New horizons

There comes a breaking point in your life sometimes,

A shift-tilt of the lens - 

your reality suddenly becomes very clear 

and you are faced with what you once thought were choices, 

when all along the choices were made for you through a series of events. 

You become your thoughts.

You are your feelings.

How you let others treat you

is determined by your sense of self-worth.

It takes a long long time to fall out of my grace.

I forgive easily and often, I have great patience - 

Call it being stubborn, I don't know.

I love too much, too hard and for too long.

Often for too little in return.

New horizons now, the map has unfolded

because I finally allowed myself to get angry enough

to say no more.

I deserve better than this. 

I am better than this. 

Those who cannot see it don't belong in my life. 

Not anymore. 

 Respecting my heart enough to allow it to heal now.

It feels... Amazing. 

I am free to attract new energy in my life now.

If your past calls, don't answer - 

it has nothing new to say.

With love and kindness,

Technodoll