I'm talking about people who have access to basic cleaning facilities and supplies - get it from the Dollar Store if you're broke but man, just doowit! Scrub! Comb! Floss! Anything!
Nothing gets me more down than slovenly humans who reek of laziness and disrespect - for themselves and for everyone around who has to endure them. When you live in a cave far away from civilisation, then fine. Stink all you want. But when I have to share a bus or a public toilet with you? Come on, make an effort!
Hand in the fire you've met at least one of these characters in your lifetime:
Halitosis Harry: The garlic he had for lunch two days ago has marinated into a nuclear cloud you can smell from across the conference hall. Wallpaper peels off walls he breathes on. Conversations with him make your eyes water and you wonder how long you can talk while breathing through your mouth. This wasn't just a bad lunch, this is his normal state. Is married to Crusty Carol.
Crusty Carol: When she smiles at you, the thick sheets of yellow tartar on her teeth and bright red gums are hypnotising. You cannot help but wonder which year those piano keys last saw a toothbrush and how much money is she saving on toothpaste and floss - enough for a downpayment on a house? The green and black accents from rotten food stuck in the crevices add a finishing touch. Never needs a costume for halloween.
B.O. Bob: The one you usually get stuck next to on a crowded bus on a hot summer day. Bonus if it's 6pm and he has to grab an elevated handle for balance, this leaving you nowhere to face but his soggy armpit. This guy has been using the same bar of no-name soap for the past 10 years and is oblivious to deodorant. There is biological warefare in his underwear; cows routinely mistake him for a salt-block. Makes skunks run for cover.
Dandruff Dan: Routinely carries snow and/or cornflakes on his shoulders, loves to wear black to show it off. Often sports hair so oily french fries leap up from plates for a friendly spar. Combs hair with sardines and doesn't hesitate to scratch n'pluck in the middle of meetings. Leaves a trail when travelling so rarely gets lost. Has hair halitosis.
Nosepicker Nancy: Doesn't even bother waiting for a red light, that's for amateurs. Leaves a snail trail on her trouser thighs and scabs around her nostrils; keeps the biggest boogers in a tin for future snacks. Loves catching colds to have an excuse sneezing, snotting, blowing and picking in public. Leaves a trail of germs on everything she touches or leaks on.
The list goes on but you get the idea.
Blecch. I just don't get it. Aren't showers and baths a pleasant thing? Or am I just a freak with too much time on her hands while she's lathering her hair up and of course, this is the place to let it all out... Hmm. At least I smell nice.
/end of Please Use Soap Responsibly post/
17 comments:
Hahahahahaha! Don't ever work in an ER. I see these colorful people every day!
The nose picker saving her pickings in a jar as a snack made me gag. Is that revenge for my bowel movements post?
OMG. What kind of world are we living in that I can actually identify all of these characters.........multiple times.
A B.O.Bastard once have a thing for me. I didnt tell him that I can't go out with him cause he smells like hell. I'm kind like that. And Nose Pickers Nancy?!! OMG YES!!!! I was stuck with the Malaysian-Chinese version of that bitch for 2 years, cause we were in the same class.
The fact that made it like strange as hell was that she's actually pretty but when she started picking her nose in the middle of the converstaion you're like "Whoa dude, WTF?!".
Hahahahahaha so funny :D And so disgusting at the same time.
I had an employee once....between the burping and farting and the smell...oh my, nothing like having to have a chat with a 50 something year old man about his personal hygiene (it's a fireable offense....)
Just...yech.
PrincessB, I omitted the vomit-breaths out of respect for you... LOL!
Toughgirl, kinda sorta :-D
CD, I had no doubt you'd add to this post! You go, girl!
SweetT, if only these people weren't real... ugh!
Myself, is it?? You can get fired for reeking? *cheers*
You touched on one of my public pet peeves yo. I HATE people who are so stinky, it's offensive to even my nose hairs. The worst kinds are the men who wear the jersey type of shirts, and are totally obviously of their stinkage factor. Wearing shirts like those, while comfortable, are a bad idea!
Ooo what about the ones that wear shirts that stink of oily fish n'chips, or like dirty old-people laundry...
*vomits in mouth*
I take it that you're not a fan of the hippie!?!? haha
You had me at B.O. Bob, I couldn't read any further......gross post, man!
Some hippies are very clean! And some suit-wearing yuppies are sordid. So... I make no assumptions but through my nose :o)
You share toilets with people?
Kinky.
I usually wait my turn.
What's a toilet stall, anyways? You can't see 'em but the smells and sounds sure don't give a crap... pardon the pun.
LOL...I've been working for 19 years of my life...and I have met them all (and their kids, grandkids etc).
THEY ARE EVERYWHERE!!!! (gross!)
That's why I keep Purell at my desk - I dont want what they have that makes them that way (lol)
Ewwwww...
The worst is when these are all the same person.
LOL. You are the best. I hate it when people fall into like five of these categories.
One of the ones that is currently creeping me out is Jerry Jagged Nail. Has filthy torn, finger nails and insists on handling everything before he hands it to you. *shudder*
Daring, Purell is a must both in my purse and on my desk!
Prin, I know you know such folks ;-)
Frank, what are you doing wandering about in trailer parks at dark...
Katie, I almost devoted a paragraph to Hangnail Harry but got too sleepy, LOL!
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