Flashback in time

Well I'm at home today, migrainy and trying to recuperate from a rough weekend. That gastro did my head in. Feel wobbly, incoherent and heavy... but before I go back to bed, thought to share this with you guys.

To this day, I don't know if it was a dream or if this really happened.

Reality or just a nightmare, there's no way to tell: I've asked my parents about it but they don't remember anything... mind you, I was about 3 years old when this occured so maybe they just forgot.

I was severly asthmatic when I was young.

My mom recounts bringing me into the ER once -or was that twice? - as I had turned blue from not breathing. I remember weekly visits to the evil doctor who poked me with big cold needles in the arm, no matter how much I tried to punch him in the face. My parents got told to move out of the city or the pollution would kill me (we moved when I was 5).

In my room was a humidifier. Early 70's required pretty much everything to look like it fell out of a spaceship' arse, so this aqua-blue plastic flying-saucer shaped contraption sat on the corner of my dresser, releasing silent cold steam towards my bed every night.

Never minded it much until "the incident".

I woke up in the middle of the night and the steam had turned to poison. Hot, toxic smoke pumping away at my face - at least that was the rationale - and I started to SCREAM.

I remember running down the short hall to my parent's bedroom and standing there in the open doorway, screaming and screaming at the top of my lungs, getting more desperate with each passing second that they didn't react. I could see both of them there, under the covers, their backs turned to me in the darkened room.

Were my screams so loud they had become silent? Had I been robbed of my voice? Why wasn't anyone helping me?

My cheeks were wet from tears and my legs shaking with the effort of jumping up and down, my throat raw from terror - that's it, I had become invisible and I would die.

To this day, I think that this incident is what turned me into a freak.

I was three years old.

And conscious of the fact that I was was mortal.

I don't often share personal things like this but thought you should know a bit more about me, since you seem to want to hang around for the goofy stuff - everyone needs balance. OK my head is pounding again, off to bed I go... just wish it was cold and raining outside cuz this is evil torture. Gaahk!

/end of Now You Know Why I Hate Smoking post/