Bubblegum Diaries: I attract the crazies. All of them.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

I attract the crazies. All of them.

As you can see I have a bit of time on my hands tonight for fugging around, so I went to see how people land on my blog via web searches... I think I squirted wine from my nose.

Holy mother of god.

Are ya ready? In order of priority, the last couple of day's worth of visits came from (strap yourselves in, kiddoes):

technodoll
here comes mister and mrs salami and sausage man
mister poll: boys sexual experiments
bubblegum porn
dick worship
death star cafe
gone baby gone
hedgehog in a condom factory
watch aurore l'enfant martyre
he broke my heart in walgreens and i cried all the way to sears
sleep poem
found at a sance
giggle factory
bubblegum sh
expanding ass
licking crotch of panties
what happened to natasha bedingfield's parents
giant artificial thistle
circumsized
never lose your cool
bubblegums pantys
natasha bedingfield,no pantie
kibbles and bits homestyle beef steak and vegetable

I think I'm going to cry.

/end of This Planet Is Out Of Order post/

13 comments:

Wayfaring Wanderer said...: "licking crotch of panties" ummmm.....that is too effin' funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had one that I saw the other night too, and I was like, how the heck did they get driven to my blog that way....however, I do remember that it was so funny I had to wake Cody up to show him.....DANG, why can't I remember?!?!; April 17, 2008 10:49 PM
B said...: dude. wtf is bubble gum porn?; April 18, 2008 3:03 AM
Technodoll said...: WW, I swear it wasn't me! :-D

Deutlich, I'm as befuddled as you are. Whatever it is, I ain't it!; April 18, 2008 7:34 AM
Anonymous said...: O M G! I vowed never again to see how people land on my blog after seeing someone searched for "torture women" and ended up there. yikes!

Yours are MUCh more entertaining though!; April 18, 2008 8:32 AM
Anonymous said...: LOL! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! What a list. You better start talking about angels and fairies soon!; April 18, 2008 9:38 AM
Technodoll said...: PrincessB, are you serious! that is terrible - unless you have hidden secret posts on your blog...hmm... (just kiddin'!)

1218, I know eh? I have to admit it was quite entertaining... I want to check the stats again in a month and see what other crazies landed here via where! LOL!; April 18, 2008 9:42 AM
Its Just Me - Daring to Dream said...: This is the second time I've heard that people with high traffic get crap like that. The only upside is that you are well-read, the downside is dealing with it all.

Cest la vie Technodoll...such a price to pay for notoriety.... But TGIF - it is Friday!

:-); April 18, 2008 10:41 AM
Sian said...: I screamed when I saw licking crotch of panties. Good Lord!:D; April 18, 2008 2:11 PM
Dolce said...: Dick worship, here comes mister and mrs salami & sausage, and lciking crotch of panties are my favorites.; April 18, 2008 5:02 PM
Technodoll said...: Daring, at least it made me laugh! Well worth the price for humiliation :-D

Sian, me too!!

Dolce, the thistle one got me rolling on the floor... I mean WTF?!; April 18, 2008 5:26 PM
~* ♥ Fallen Angel ♥ *~ said...: *LOL* that`s fab :) Really funny! And what makes it better is that it is real :); April 20, 2008 5:33 AM
prin said...: Somebody got my blog by searching for "Princess Stick Person". Boy, did they land wrong. LOL!

I feel for you because mine are all pretty tame. My blog seems to be rated G. :D; April 20, 2008 10:21 PM
Technodoll said...: F.Angel, yeah I know!! Can't wait for the next batch, ha ha!

Prin, I guess I make my own destiny eh? But really... there are crack-smoking freakos out there, that's for sure.; April 20, 2008 10:48 PM

george carlin jewels

Property is theft. Nobody “owns” anything. When you die, it all stays here.

The planet is fine. The people are fucked.

The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
“When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?” This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!

And now, in the interest of equal time, here is a message from the National Institute of Pancakes: It reads, and I quote, “Fuck waffles.”

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Cloud nine gets all the publicity, but cloud eight actually is cheaper, less crowded, and has a better view.

I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.

Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin’ ready to hang himself.

If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

“No comment” is a comment.

You can’t argue with a good blowjob.

So far, this is the oldest I’ve been.

worst pickup lines

Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?

I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.

If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.

I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Walmart, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.

Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I've seem to have lost mine.

I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

steven wright wisdom

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

A fool and his money are soon partying.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

awesome country songs

rejected hallmark cards

1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life... (Inside card) - I've changed my mind.

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life... (Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am.... (Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me .

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go.... (Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.

5. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age.... (Inside card) - Almost lifelike!

6. When we were together, you said you'd die for me... (Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.

7. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.... (Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?

8. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket... (Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often .

9. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday... (Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.

10. Looking back over the years that we have been together, I can't help but wonder..... (Inside card) - What the hell was I thinking

11. I'm so miserable without you... (Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.

12. Thank you for being part of my life..... (Inside card) - I never knew what evil was until I met you!

13. Congratulations on your wedding day!... (Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.

14. How can I say this.... (Inside card) - Your cooking kills me

15. Hooray..... (Inside card) - You're divorced.

16. I just want you to know that I'm sorry for what happened... (Inside card) - Especially since you survived.

17. Congrats on getting married... (Inside card) - It's not everyday you decide to ruin your life.

18. Someday I hope to marry... (Inside card) - Someone other than you.

19. We have been friends for a very long time... (Inside card) - What do you say we stop?

not the sharpest bulb in the closet?

A few peas short of a casserole.

An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.

An intellect rivalled only by garden tools.

As much use as a hedgehog in a condom factory.

As much use as a one-legged man at an ass-kicking contest.

As useful as a wooden frying pan.

As useful as tits on a bull.

Dumb as a stump.

He's got a mind like a steel sieve.

His cheese has slipped off his cracker.

His porch light ain't on.

If brains were dynamite, he wouldn't have enough to blow his nose.

Like a pair of children’s scissors, bright and colorful, but not too sharp.

Million dollar body and a 2 dollar engine.

Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.

Room temperature IQ.

Was left on the tilt-a-whirl too long as a baby.