Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Where did the child go?

I don't remember this photo being taken, I've never seen it until a few days ago. I don't know how old I was, where we were, what I'm holding - I only remember being extremely shy and hated having my photo taken, which is probably why very few photos of the kid-me exist.

So there I am, over 3 decades ago - what happened?! How did I get so old, so fast, and yet I still don't know who I am? *panics*

*goes to sit down and breathe*

Sometimes it hits me how little time we have on this earth, and how unfair it is... I want to cry. Every day is precious and right now I am pissing them away pining for Vegas, pining for our life together to finally begin.

Sure I'm alive and living as best I can, working and being social and trying to better myself - but it's still a big pause, a wait and a test of faith.

I need to go visit my aging grandparents in their nursing homes before they pass away. I haven't seen my parents in months, yet they are only a 3-hour drive away. I have friends who live in the same city which I haven't seen in months. WTF am I doing with my life? What is WRONG with me?


Katana said...

... nope that's still you! CUTE AND CUDDDDDDLLLLEEEEE (that's what my husband used to tell me when i said the same thing about my kiddie pics.)

Prin said...

Why are you so sad? Sad eyes on little kids makes me sad. Kids shouldn't be sad.

We're all like that though. When was the last time I called you? Exactly. At least we have blogland.

Roshan said...

There's nothing wrong with u. Life is like that now. I have two close friends who I haven't seen in a long time. One is now working in another city and I haven't seen her since November 2005! The other I haven't seen since August 2004! Yet I love both these girls, they mean the world to me and I will always be there for them. They know that they just have to call me and I will come to see them. I try to call them as often as I can and I miss them terribly.

And you are such a cute girl in this pic.

Er.. not that I like cute little girls. Not in that way. I just think u were cute. No reason for mentioning it. I like grown women. What, a grown man can't say that a little girl is cute, anymore?

Dolce said...

What you're doing with your life is living it! You found a good thing in Vegas and you’re working toward a life together.

Your friends understand why you haven't seen them because they probably feel the same way about their relationships.

It's all cyclical, but doesn't life itself go round and round?

Technodoll said...

LOL@ Katana! Well, I did change a whole lot since then... *ahem* but thank you :-)

Prin, I too wonder why I look so upset. Prolly mad at the photographer? I breathe blogland, it's a good drug. Ouain.

Roshan, screw the politically correct nonsense. You say what you like and thanks for the reassurance that I'm not the only one living this insane life.

Dolce, true that. Cyclical... I just need to spin my wheels a bit more in the right direction, that's all. I think.