Bubblegum Diaries: Because I've got nothing better to do: Infomercials that crack me up

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Because I've got nothing better to do: Infomercials that crack me up

Pretty hard to choose from the thousands of silly gadgets we're being conned to buy thanks to the infamous infomercial but these few below are classic!

For the record, I can't stand these time-wasters but Vegas loves to indulge - not sure why since he's never bought anything advertised before. At least that's what he tells me... :-o

OK first up: a mini-vacuum with razor blades.

Safe for the whole family!

Suck up unwanted hair while saving on salon costs!

I don't know about you but

I'm totally creeped out.

Flowbee: Look Like A 70's Porn Star

In Two Easy Steps!

Stashe option extra.

This cool gym-machine thingie will transform you

into a she-male in only 20 minutes, three times a week!

Baseball cap not included.

Ladies, tired of washing those endlessly dirty floors?

Have your husband do it for you while he's schlepping around -

gives a whole new meaning to "slipper foot"!

matching kilt available for only $9.99!

Ah, Vince...

What did we do before you Slap-Chopped your way

into our hearts and kitchens?

I don't think this atrocity needs any introduction...

Note that, in a pinch, you can wear it to church choir practice.

What's scary is the dog version.

I'd call the SPCA.

Teddy bears for the in-laws' breasts.

You know, for those cold car trips,

gotta take care of the nips.

I really wonder who's behind these dastardly inventions.

Do you buy it?

7 comments:

Vegas said...: infomercials are awesome - they bring me great joy :) My favourite is the chair-based workout routine, complete with video of people doing it outside in Russia and various other countries.

You don't know.; March 22, 2011 9:33 PM
prin said...: I want those floor washies so bad! I do that with towels anyway to wash my floors. Man! That would save so much time! And the tie thingies would save me effort too!; March 22, 2011 9:59 PM
prin said...: Oh, and the best one I ever saw was the potato stand for $19.95.; March 22, 2011 9:59 PM
Rebecca Foster said...: I feel like so many of those are Saturday Night Live skits, not real.

That said, I'd totally buy those floor washing slippers! Ingenious!; March 22, 2011 10:47 PM
Anonymous said...: I think the only one that I would have seriously considered is the snuggie :); March 23, 2011 2:57 AM
Debby@Just Breathe said...: Those are funny. He does look like a 70's porn star!
We actually bought some equipment that the exercise guy was selling years ago.
Bought the dogs Snuggies when they were on clearance just for a laugh.; March 23, 2011 6:15 PM
Keri said...: Those are some great ones! I love the pony tail on that guy.. and the guy in the car with the seat belt bear... He looks like Robin Williams...; March 24, 2011 9:22 AM

george carlin jewels

Property is theft. Nobody “owns” anything. When you die, it all stays here.

The planet is fine. The people are fucked.

The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
“When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?” This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!

And now, in the interest of equal time, here is a message from the National Institute of Pancakes: It reads, and I quote, “Fuck waffles.”

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Cloud nine gets all the publicity, but cloud eight actually is cheaper, less crowded, and has a better view.

I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.

Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin’ ready to hang himself.

If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

“No comment” is a comment.

You can’t argue with a good blowjob.

So far, this is the oldest I’ve been.

worst pickup lines

Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?

I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.

If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.

I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Walmart, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.

Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I've seem to have lost mine.

I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

steven wright wisdom

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

A fool and his money are soon partying.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

awesome country songs

rejected hallmark cards

1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life... (Inside card) - I've changed my mind.

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life... (Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am.... (Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me .

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go.... (Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.

5. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age.... (Inside card) - Almost lifelike!

6. When we were together, you said you'd die for me... (Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.

7. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.... (Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?

8. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket... (Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often .

9. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday... (Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.

10. Looking back over the years that we have been together, I can't help but wonder..... (Inside card) - What the hell was I thinking

11. I'm so miserable without you... (Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.

12. Thank you for being part of my life..... (Inside card) - I never knew what evil was until I met you!

13. Congratulations on your wedding day!... (Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.

14. How can I say this.... (Inside card) - Your cooking kills me

15. Hooray..... (Inside card) - You're divorced.

16. I just want you to know that I'm sorry for what happened... (Inside card) - Especially since you survived.

17. Congrats on getting married... (Inside card) - It's not everyday you decide to ruin your life.

18. Someday I hope to marry... (Inside card) - Someone other than you.

19. We have been friends for a very long time... (Inside card) - What do you say we stop?

not the sharpest bulb in the closet?

A few peas short of a casserole.

An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.

An intellect rivalled only by garden tools.

As much use as a hedgehog in a condom factory.

As much use as a one-legged man at an ass-kicking contest.

As useful as a wooden frying pan.

As useful as tits on a bull.

Dumb as a stump.

He's got a mind like a steel sieve.

His cheese has slipped off his cracker.

His porch light ain't on.

If brains were dynamite, he wouldn't have enough to blow his nose.

Like a pair of children’s scissors, bright and colorful, but not too sharp.

Million dollar body and a 2 dollar engine.

Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.

Room temperature IQ.

Was left on the tilt-a-whirl too long as a baby.