"Let's go crazy! Let's get nuts!"
How can a day that was so dreadfully boring have been so fraught with drama?
I've slacked so much at work the past two days, it's a miracle I still have a job... What can I say, my mind and heart are elsewhere at the moment. It's all I can do to hold myself together. But hell, I need this job, I need to be careful. Sigh.
*pauses to inspect hangnail*
So, we got our mortgage today... pending the assessment of bank's land evaluator which, I was told, should be no problem but I'm still not celebrating until we're in the clear. So we'll see next week, I suppose.
Hard to celebrate after a long, painful, bare-fisted fight with your husband.
All on MSM, no less.
Sigh.
If it hadn't been for Prin and Curly's constant support today I may have totally lost the plot and just broken down at my desk.
I woke up this morning in a horrible, ominous mood for no apparent reason. In hindsight it must have been pent-up anger about a lot of relationship issues, coupled with current stresses and all this "what the hell am I going to do with my life" stuff. Yep. I'm so lost, it's not funny.
I may sound like I have it all together but I'm faking.
How can you love someone so much yet want to hurt him so badly? What the fuck is wrong with me?
I've hardly eaten in two days, I've no appetite. I'm lovesick. I'm sick of love. I forced down some egg pie tonight then after more online arguing I broke up with Vegas. I was done, finished, at the end of my rope. But then I felt so ill I coughed up my dinner a few minutes later.
To quote Vegas: "Waste of a good pie."
Um. Yeah.
There is a long rocky road ahead but he's my best friend and we'll just have to strap on our boots and help each other along the way. I don't want the alternative. I want him.
But fuck it's hard sometimes.
***changes the channel***
At the end of tonight's dog walk, I passed three drunken men near a bar, they were smoking and talking loudly in the street, in the middle of a snow storm.
Now if you know my dogs you'll understand that I don't trust they would protect me in case of danger: the big one is an attention whore who loves everybody and the little one is scared of her own shadow.
So when one of them gestured towards me and shouted to his buddies "Hey I'll take the girl and you two take the dogs!" I was very relieved to see both dogs' hackles go UP, way UP, they got taller and squeezed themselves close to me and then one of the drunks said "Are you fucking crazy! Those are akitas!" and I never stopped walking and that was the end of that.
Even fuckwit drunks can know their dogs, that was a pleasant surprise.
The best surprise is that I now know my dogs would never let anyone hurt me. I am hugely relieved. *blushes*
***other channel***
I cooked some broccoli and now my place smells like ripe farts. Awesome.
***switches to satellite TV***
I booked a haircut for noon on Friday. But after coloring my hair last night, it looks quite good again so I'll cancel the chop-chop and keep that for a real springtime treat next month.
That's it for today.
I am drained.
Good night.
/end of Turbulence post/
8 comments:
Yeah, I know that ill feeling. I have it every day. All day.
I tells ya, sometimes, you really do have to put away the fists all of a sudden even if that means getting a few good jabs to your face. Sometimes, you just have to stop. You know what the consequences are. So stop before you get there.
And try to find a way together to not start to begin with.
*hugs*
And yes, the minute you realize your doggies are guardy is a really good minute. :)
Oh and sorry I abandoned you this afternoon for my constant seeking of pain and misery.
OH YES! CONGRATS ON THE MORTGAGE GIRLIE!!!
awe, sweetie!! So sorry you have all this going on. :( I'm not sure what to say to be of any comfort. So, I'll just say I'm thinking about you. And your dogs rule! and congrats on the mortgage!
Darlin the mortgage, in this world of people not getting any, is a good deal, relax....why you so stressed out.
It's scary as shit (nothing is quite like signing on the dotted line and seeing the total you'll be paying over X amount of years...tabernac), but there's a new world out there for you and you should be excited about it, not confrontational.
That's my say. But I love change sometimes and achieving things I put my mind to. Start looking at it like that. Working towards your future together.
You are both wonderful.
*hugs*
Congrats on the mortgage!
I've come to the conclusion that no one's life is even remotely as perfect as they say (or believe) it is.
*hugs*
I'm still sending good karma your way.
awww, you are having a crappy day. I hope by the time this is posted, it will all be better. You are under tons of stress. Both of you. And we always take it out on those we love the most. But really, you should have taken it out on the drunks. If the dogs decide not to protect, you best get a tazer.
My dogs would lick anyone that gave them a bit of attention. Even if they had a gun or me in a headlock. *dumb dogs*
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