There is merit to working towards a goal, to jumping through the hoops and enduring those sleepless nights and bleary days of longing... who wants to drive on the straight boring paved highway, littered with McDonald's and drive-through donut shops? Kill me now!"Know hope" is my motto.
Rolling back to my posts from last spring, the silent cry for help is now apparent - although I didn't know at the time what was going to happen the next six months of my life, something big had to change. It wasn't a bad situation, but it wasn't going anywhere either and that smothered the life out of the ex and I. Yes, it was the right decision and yes, all the pain and upheavals were worth it.
And now comes another level of gravel stairs, leading up to mount everest.
People get a look of confusion on their faces when I tell them what is happening: am I repeating a pattern? Why do I always get into difficult (read: impossible) situations? Why can't I fall in love with a nice local boy with no strings attached? Hah. Not only am I not wired that way, but I have no control of over Fate and her wicked plans for my sorry ass so I'm just going along for the ride, hanging on as best I can. Fuck the merry-go-round, gimme a seatbelt and the crazy rollercoasters: I want to FEEL and I want to LIVE!
On that note, the next few months will feed off the foundations built the past few weeks - which are thankfully brick-solid. No doubt life will get difficult before it gets easier... days are getting shorter and colder, work is starting to weigh in more, I need to get myself into shape with a better diet, exercise and sleep... the kids take up most of my free time so I better find activities to incorporate everything in an organic manner lest I lose my mind. Social life needs a kick in the butt so yeah, need to take care of that too. Anything to keep sane until life with the Triple P's can become a reality, someday down the road.
Oh, what a trip, what a tripping trippy trip we've bought tickets for. And no cancellation insurance: that's just for wankers!
3 comments:
Fate does what she wants, and we can either roll with it, or fight and make ourselves miserable.
Glad things seem to be coming together for you. (hug)
I think you like the drama. lol Drama queen. :P
Super happy fun times. :D
Thanks girls... although my head is in the clouds, my feet are on the ground but somehow it all meets together in the middle. It's perfect, it's powerful and I am in awe... even if it ain't easy, it's all worth it.
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