I'm not one to believe in the wrath of god but for chrissake, another full week of pissing rain? Worst. Summer. Evah.
So glad to be escaping to LA on Saturday... it's dry there, yes?
At least my VIBRAMS finally arrived after six long weeks of kafkaesque adventures, they're lovely and make walking in the rain pretty damn fun (as long as there is a towel or foot heater at the other end). It's just hilarious to wear them at the same time that Vegas is wearing his pair... you know. Like the matching track suits. It's cheesy.
Bah who gives a flying banana.
Comfort over prejudice!
We had an interesting talk about trust on the way to work this morning. See, I don't trust anyone from the get-go, it takes time to build trust and they have to earn it (just like respect). Vegas is the opposite, he trusts people until/unless they break that trust.
It really shows how different our lives have been up till now... He never lived through anything like I did (loved one cheating on him, lying, being left for another, etc). I won't say it's causing a clash but it's not making things easy.
He was a bit hurt that I took this position with him, even if I said it was nothing personal, it was just an effect of all the times my trust in people (ie men) had been broken during my life. Started with my dad abandoning us when I was 9 and it's been continuing up till last year. The men who professed to love me the most never hesitated to stab me in the back and yeah, it gets old after a while.
I know things are different with Vegas, *he* is different. I am doing all I can to work on this issue inside my head and my heart, however it will take alot of time before I can finally relax and just trust implicitly without the devil on my shoulder whispering "are you suuuure?"
Shaddap. Yes, I'm sure.
I'm trying hard to be - every day is an adventure and a chance to right the wrong, I feel loved and supported in every aspect of our life together (go team go!) so hopefully the sands of time will smooth out the jagged edges of my heart so I won't hurt Vegas when I hug him anymore.
Sigh. Time, just need time...
/end of He Deserves Better Than This post/
15 comments:
ok first off, those Vibram things are GNARLY!
Secondly. Holy.f*ck.on.a.stick what is with this weather!?!?!?! I have to have the light on in my office! (I'm like a shroom, no lights)
As for trust. It's a tough thing...I am a mix of you and Vegas, once I trust someone, they have to break my trust to piss me off or turn me away, but older I get (or more experienced with men), the less trusting I am, always trying to listen to my instincts and as usual getting slapped in the face when I don't get what they're trying to tell me.
I think we're similar, there is no blind trust.
However, and I've been told this so I'll say it to you, there comes a point where you have to say f*ckit and trust....you live together, that day will have to come at some point soon I would imagine.
I want me some of those SHOES!
First of all.....that Vibram things are weird.....I'd try them out, but....seriously....WEIRD!
IF there's anyone that you should put your trust in......it should most definitely be that man...
Deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to climb a tree, because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch, or you might simply get covered in sap, and for this reason many people choose to spend their time alone and indoors, where it is harder to get a splinter. ~Lemony Snicket
Recommendation: Buy this book, fill it out at breakfast, laying on the couch, just when there's nothing particular to do and you've already blogged for the day. Its really cute and makes you ask yourself questions you already know, but maybe Vegas wont (and vice versa). I tell you, I thought I knew how my hubby thought, but didnt dawn on me he had a different preference, idea or outlook. Made for great discussions at dinner to both get on the same page of understanding. Here's the link: http://www.amazon.com/All-About-Us-Philipp-Keel/dp/0767905016 (Just an idea - I enjoy it)
It takes me a long time to trust anyone. I've been left for other people on more than one occasion so it always makes me suspicious right from the start. God, I'm such a tool sometimes.
But shouldn't he embrace your insecurities? Mine says, "As long as you're sure I'm not doing anything wrong."
Our trust glasses are just snapped in half, that's all. We don't see things clearly until we find a strong enough kind of tape and even then, it never fixes them completely.
Do your toes get separated by those thingies? My toes like being together.. They don't have a lot of lateral give...
I'm not quite sure what to make of Vibrams. They're funny!!! I burst out laughing at them.
I'm with you on trust. It takes a while to build. Better that way, it's more solid. At some point you have to let people in or you'll make yourself crazy.
Not sure if I trust you on those Vibrams though. I think you're putting us on...
We talked about it - it bothers me not to be trusted on the basis of gender. I also understand why TD is the way she is, so logically I understand it but emotionally it's hard to take.
There is a fine line between embracing insecurities and feeding them. I'm still working out how to make sure I don't cross it. Obviously one can't just dismiss somebody else's history - but at the same time I don't think pandering to it works either. It's difficult...
And to say I've never had my trust betrayed is kind of pushing it :) I just haven't had my trust consistently betrayed by the same type of person in the same situation (e.g. for me it's been friends, family, colleagues etc doing the betraying. Kind of an even spread over the years). I've also got the ability to switch off emotionally if I need to, so maybe that makes me a bit more reckless.
Ah well - it'd be boring if we were all the same
Everyone has been betrayed on some level, it's just part of life. But you can't let it consume you. You can't let the great people in your life pay for your past.
Vegas is right - it shouldn't be a man thing. With many women I know, I would rather rip out my fingernails than confide in them.
(and I still think those Vibrams are a hoax)
how's that for trust? :)
Myself, I just learned a new word today LOL! Gnarly. And yeah. At some point I have to just let go and let the chips fall where they may... and I love him enough to try and do that.
WW, you would LOVE these shoes! It's amazing what they let your feet do... I'm getting another pair soon for colder weather! Everyone who sees them wants a pair, haha. PS: I love Lemony Snicket.
Daring, that book sounds exactly like something I'd love to read/ do. Thanks for the tip!
Frank, not a tool... just very human, that's all.
Prin, I like the tape analogy. Ouain. Vegas is all duct, for sure! The Vibrams feel weird at first but then you realise that no, the toes are actually in a proper position for once and walking becomes a wonderful thing. My toes like to be crowded together too so this is super good for the feetsies.
Curly, that's what I said about the trust, too... takes time to build but then it's very solid. And I'm not kidding you about the shoes... I'll wear them for next brunch :-)
Vegas, I love theee.
LOL Curly-girl... that would be quite an elaborate hoax eh?
Nah if I wanted to trick you... feed you poutine and only tell you afterwards "it wasn't cheese".
Teehee!
But if it wasn't cheese and still tasted good, I wouldn't really care. Can't be worse for you than poutine!
Really is there anything worse for you than poutine? Ok maybe straigh grease....
"There is a fine line between embracing insecurities and feeding them."
Well, see, she's not a dog or a child, right? The only way you feed them is by playing them to your advantage. A common tool for that being passive aggressive behavior...
But being open and honest and telling her there's nothing to worry about when she's worrying about nothing don't feed insecurity, imo. They feed trust. Evidence of trustworthiness feeds trust.
Guys often mistake telling us what we want to hear as reassurance. The truth, good or bad, is reassuring. Knowing that whatever we ask will get us an honest answer is reassuring. If you tell us what you think we want to hear, we're bound to figure it out later, and that will breed more mistrust.
Tell it like it is, even if you're unhappy, and let us overreact when we're baggagey (without letting your feelings get hurt), and we'll meet up later when we've both aired out our dirty undies. *shrug*
The thing with people who don't trust is that they tend to collect stuff. They tend to pick up on the things they know are sure to hurt you. And when they're backed into a corner for whatever reasons, they poke at those exposed wounds. It's nothing personal, just a survival tactic. Just know that it doesn't come from a place of love or hate. It comes from a place of fight or flight.
Vegas is the real deal, he'd never play her insecurities to his advantage. I've only met him a few times and he's quite blunt. He's not passive-aggressive at all. Quite the opposite.
Only problem with Vegas is that he somehow dragged UK weather to our fine city and that's why there is no sun for days on end. I can't prove it - yet. But I'm working on it.
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