Thursday, September 2, 2010

Grocery shopping as an olympic sport

Event includes, but is not limited do:
  • Race car driving to the grocery store
  • Traffic endurance for extra points
  • Jockeying the car into the closest parking spot near the store's exit doors
  • Memory jogging: what was on the list you forgot at home again?
  • Obstacle course: crowded aisles and your shopping cart
  • Boxing the butcher, aka "why are the sale meats never in stock?"
  • Bonus points: (mentally) kick boxing all those screaming brats and crying babies whose parents are too cheap for a babysitter
  • Stacking the cart: space enough for everything, no tipping over
  • Inner self-battle: no, you do not need those chips, ice cream, cookies, lardy cakes, sodas, etc
  • Speed mathematics: do you have enough money to pay for this food?
  • Coupon juggling at the cash
  • Cashier smackdown: that item was definitely on sale, check it again!
  • Smart bag packing: fresh tomatoes on top, canned tomatoes on the bottom
  • Weight lifting: heavy bags to the car, then into your house
  • Extra event for professionals only: Unpacking & storing purchases away in calm serenity
  • Bonus points: doing all of the above in high heat and humidity
/end of Please Give Me My Gold Medal post/


Vegas said...

You get a gold star too. X

Busy Bee Suz said...

So funny. For some reason, I do this more than twice a week...I no likey!

Debby said...

Cute post. I really hate grocery shopping.

C said...

...and in FIRST place for the calmest, most patient shopper of all.. under extreme stress and heat, no less, is TECHNODOLL at cash register 11! congratulations Ms. Doll.. you are the first place winner of a brand new sparkling clean pitch fork... we heard you could use it on your farm! enjoy! can we get a round of applause for our new winner?

lucky shit!
bitch! (a jealous one in every crowd)
waay tooooo gooooooooo!
bon chance!
i want one!

bon. c'est tout. ;)

Anonymous said...

Grocery shopping is a necessary evil. I really dislike this errand.

Adventures In China said...

You nailed it! Lardy cakes? I love it, I'm going to start using that one.

Candice said...


prin said...

So not at all my grocery experience. :D

(I'm a grocery dilly-dallier...)