Monday, September 13, 2010

How to get shagged by technology

I used "shagged" to be polite.


I had to get my four new layer hens this morning, the farm was just two towns over and the whole round-trip should have taken me an hour and a half - if I had followed paper map instructions, that is.

Instead I opted for the Stupid Choice, allowing the GPS to get me royally lost in buttfuck nowhere not even close to where I was supposed to be going.

GPS: Giant Piece o'Shite.

That piece of technology tacked on an extra hour to my trip and shorted my life by a week with the spike in blood pressure and verbal diarrhea/screaming in the car.

I mean, seriously: the address it brought me to?

Two towns away from my destination!

I got sooo lost on winding dirt country roads, the sky was about to burst open and the gas tank was getting low - I needed help! Luckily I spotted a farmer tending to his cows and stopped at his farm to ask for help, he was kind enough to point me in the right direction and sure 'nuff, he was bang on.

Only when I finally got there, the entrance to the road I needed to turn on was blocked: there was construction (aka a giant hole in the middle of the road) and everyone was being forced into a loooooong detour...

I could SEE the place I needed to get to but no, I could not pass through. I had to detour 15 minutes to get there (imagine driving a rectangle to get back to your departure point? yeah, like that). These country roads are long and far apart, my friend.

My bladder was bursting.

I almost cried.

Finally got to destination, got my hens, got different directions from the farmer to get back home.

Programmed the GPS to "home", for a test.

It again tried to bring me god knows where, like the opposite direction of where I needed to go.

I think it hates me.

Oh, did I mention it then started to rain so hard the car wipers were on max and I still couldn't see the road? My cellphone battery was dead so I couldn't call Vegas to ask him to bring the birds in - another worry on my plate, soaking birds catching pneumonia.

Rain, rain, rain, sounds like a waterfall... full bladder...

You get the pic.

Let's not mention the two other detours I had to endure along the way.

Why does it feel like a Monday?

/end of Lord Jesus In Techno Hell post/


Anke said...

Good grief,it sounds like you went half way around the world to get those chickens... I hate our GPS, too. It ALWAYS sends you the long way, no matter where you want to go. My hubby still uses it for long trips, but shorter trips, I'd rather uses mapquest. Even though they tried to send me the long way before...

Keri said...

Wow. I've found that the navigation tool on my iphone is very helpful. The last time I used paper directions, the lady must have given me the wrong address. We were going to get some free furniture off craigslist. Well, it started raining and it got dark, fast. Then, the house that we needed to get to was basically down in a hole with no gravel on the driveway. I was afraid we wouldn't get out. And then the furniture turned out to be CRAP. Oh well. I LOVE CHICKENS! :P

Busy Bee Suz said...

Oh my gosh...I can feel your blood boiling. You poor thing...yes, it is Monday. next Monday, stay HOME. :)
I hope your birds are all safe and dry!

Anonymous said...

squat n shake in the rain, shudder...

Debby@Just Breathe said...

How could it do that! How could it make such horrible mistakes.
Glad you home and well. Sorry for the shit day! Hope tomorrow brings sunshine into your life.

JeanMarie said...

Friends lent us their GPS last fall when we went to the beach. Didn't really need it, we've been going to the same beach for 20+ years. Anywho, we're headed down to the Hatteras Lighthouse and the GPS insisted there was no such landmark!
Glad you got the chickens and made it home in one piece : )

Adventures In China said...

This is why I've attached a bird cage and passenger pigeon to the hood of my car. And trained it to raise it's wing for right and left.

In all seriousness, that sucks!