Maybe if I let some crap out of my stuffed brain, I stand a chance of getting some much-needed sleep tonight - I'm pissed to be MORE tired on a Sunday night then I was two nights ago. Gaaah! How does this shit happen?!
Stupid time of the month - go away! You piss me off and render me useless!
How my poor hubby Vegas puts up with me, I don't know...
(he he. I said "hubby")
We visited our first property yesterday - um, it was quite trippy, to put it mildly. Actually the more hours that passed after the visit, the more we laughed and wondered WHAT the HELL that was all about.
That century-old house needs to be bulldozed down and put out of its misery - it would cost twice as much to put it into a livable condition than it would to scrap it and build a brand-new one in its place. The location and size of the land were great though, so I'm a bit sad about that. The land itself, however: a giant scrapyard belted by a train track, what a pity. Not to mention the enormous hydro tower a few meters from the house and, on the other side, a neighbor in a tiny shack. It was ludicrous.
Did we mention the huge rusty iron boat on wooden blocks next to a half-collapsed barn housing an old tractor? Yep. "Bonus, it comes with the house!"
*Gee, thanks*
Ah well, one down and dozens to go, I guess. If it wasn't for the difficulty in getting this damn dog kennel permit we'd almost have a house by now.
Whirlwind of a weekend has left me feeling like a stump of cement, and half as smart. And I'm getting fatter, I can't stand it. Stress has me snacking and the cold has me strapped to the couch, what's a girl to do?
On my way to Costco this afternoon, after dropping Vegas off at the cinema (boy's movie time) the radio seemed intent on playing early to mid 1990's music that put me in a strange funk. It was happy stuff that had me singing but my heart turned blue and I couldn't help thinking where the HELL have the past fifteen years of my life gone?
And I missed being 23 again.
And I missed being 27 again.
And all those years before, in-between and after that... even if my life is infinitely "better" now, it's still 2009.
All this to say... I feel the pressure of time squatting on my head, whispering in my ear "your best years are counted now, hurry hurry hurry!". Fucking voice won't shut up much these days, and I'm tired of running. Tired of waiting for life to start, somehow. Tired of wondering what I'm supposed to be doing. Wondering where has my life gone and why can't I get it back?
I've got too much to do before I die, dammit.
Somebody, please stop the clock! PLEASE!
/end of Soon Another Birthday Coming Up - Oh Crap post/
9 comments:
I hate to sound all Oprah new-agey or something, but in moments where you're thinking about how life might have passed you by...where you're going, etc, just stop to take a moment to breathe and be present. It's easy to get caught up in what if's, what will be, but all you have is right now, and from where I sit it seems like you have a lot going for you! And did I mention that you AND your hubs are quite the hotties. See, I can say that because I'll probably never meet him. :) You'll get there when you get there.
try turning 40 in a month and a half, being single for 8 years almost straight (after thinking at 32 that "well I'm not going to remain single for long will I?") and having had to rebuild a career from zilch over those years in order to make ends meet, and do nothing but.
So. I'm stuffing everything I want to do into all my time now.
And that's what you need to do as well and stop thinking about the past. You're still young (dammit you'll always be younger than me!) and enjoy life as it is now.
At least for all my regrets I think I'm doing that for the most part.
So learn from your elder ;-P
well said by both of you (especially the hot part - we're both very shallow you know, so it's immensely gratifying) :)
TD is having a pre-birthday crisis is all. Hugs and reassurances seem to be helping.
Hey....why won't you want to live in a century old house? That would totally be cool.
you know the bit in Labyrinth where there are stairs at weird angles everywhere and it hurts your eyes to look at it? That's what this house was like.
I would like to tell you that you are only as old as you allow yourself to be, but that is a state of mind. Our bodies of course remind us in more vivid ways of our time here. There are SO MANY things I want to do before I hit the big 4-0, and I am scrambling to make it happen before its too late. So I understand your urgency. But dont forget to enjoy the great things you have in our life NOW as you venture and pursue more dreams...your love with Vegas and your adorable dogs. I realized I am not 19 anymore..may as well make the best of it!
23.....HELL NO....NEVER EVER WANNA GO BACK THERE!! I was a hellion and I don't miss those days as much as I like being where I am now.
I guarantee that once everything is in place you will think, "My life has just begun!"
Hang in there and eat some freckin' chocklit - however you like to spell it ;)
Chocolate is good. Cuddles from a handsome husband better. Getting older sure as hell beats the alternative. Carpe diem girl...as soon as your PMS is over of course, you want to seize the day, not throttle it.
x
Sexy, do you really want to be my age again? I don't think so. ;)
Do I want to be 22 again? Nevar! My boobies are WAY better now. And besides, I wouldn't know then what I know now and I'd just waste it all over again. So instead, I date a guy who is younger than me so I can feel extra old all the time. Yey reality! :D
lol @ hubby. :D
I hate birthdays too. They suck. We should trade. I'll do yours this year if you do mine.
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